Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
