Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
