Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
