I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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