I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
