my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
