Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
