she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
