hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
