At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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