I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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