I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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