Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
