she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
