I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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