When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
