fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
