I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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