Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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