sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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