I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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