I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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