90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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