In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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