At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
