You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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