Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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