Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
