I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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