Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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