i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize