The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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