I've blown a few things in my day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize