If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
