I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
