just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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