man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize