I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
