I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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