i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
