I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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