I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
