she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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