Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
