marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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