Do you still have your period?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
