Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
