Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
