well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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