Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
