apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
