it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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