So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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