Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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