so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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