my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
