nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
