The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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