A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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