I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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