So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
