I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
