maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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