I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize