i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
