He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
