sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
