So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
