I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
