My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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