Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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