I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i think i just lost a toe
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
