she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
