He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
