she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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