Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
