i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
