So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
