Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
