I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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