I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
