good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
