why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Congratulations! We have a period
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