I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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