i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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