Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
