I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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