So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
