somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
