Midget sex pt 2 tonight
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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