sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize