if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
