She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
