The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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