Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think your dad took our porno
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
