I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
