Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
