i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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