I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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