your parents love me but you hate me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
