I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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