Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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